Schiddy Become Cliché!

When I think about blogs, I think about either board housewives or househusbands (nice save, right?) writing about the cute thing their kid did that day:
‘Then Pookie pulled out his thumb and asked “chocolate?”’

The other stereotype I have is middle aged guys writing about their high school or college exploits:
‘Then Bluto pulled out his thumb and in a drunken haze asked, “Chocolate?”’

But "True-dat" as the schidlets say, there is a wealth of information from my college days. I learned a lot, and I am morally obligated to tell you about it. Here is a list of some of the things I learned. Future Schiddy rants will provide more details.

1. I learned Freud was a lot smarter than people give him credit for.
2. I learned how many squares of t.p. decent people need to use to wipe to do their business in the bathroom (5 squares).
3. I learned it is possible to start a cult that worships a stuffed animal. College kids love Snuggles the Anti-Christ.
4. I learned soccer nets are hard to see at night when it is raining and dark and you are trying to run home from an outdoor party.
5. I learned toga outfits don’t keep you warm when it is raining and dark and you trying to run home from a kegger party in October that is 4 miles from your dorm room.
6. I learned to keep a close eye on my rides home from parties.
7. I learned why high school friends who went to colleges in Wisconsin came back after their freshman year twenty pounds heavier.
8. I learned about preservative in Dominos Pizza.
9. I learned how to grow bacteria cultures in a cup of beer.
10. I learned during times of peace, it is better to have engineers as your friends then future CIA operatives…or whatever Uncle Curt ended up becoming. Shining several thousand volts of light at someone in a drunken stupor can scare the bejeezus out of them and turn them into coward who run to there mommy, even if they do know how to kill you with there hands 8 different ways.
11.I grew to dispise the cheapest keg beef from Zips Liquor, Busch Light Beer.
12. learned you don’t have to be cool to start trends. (Come on everybody, get out on the dance floor and do the “Doug Thorpe!”)
13. I learned if you are ever in a Winona State Cafeteria circa 1983, and the North Stars are playing the Black Hawks, you should probably be wearing a helmet or some type of protective gear.
14. I learned biking across the river from Winona to Wisconsin, strapping a case of PBR to the back of your bike, and biking back is good exercise. But then you probably should just give the beer away. Whatever you do don’t drink most of it and then sleep on the top bunk of your dorm room. Especially if that dorm room is equipped with gravity, and your roommate’s bunk with a comforter made by his grandma is right below you.
15. I learned you should not pour beer in your eyes.
16. I learned the attics of fraternity houses are the stuff of Hollywood horror movies.
17. I learned the drain pipes of fraternity house kitchens are the stuff of Stephen King novels.
18. I learned the fraternity brothers at Delta Tau Delta fraternity houses are the stuff of Stephen K…err John Belushi films.
19. In grad school I learned to avoid group projects, and learned grad professors really like to assign group projects. Instead of 20 items to grade, they only have to grade 4!
20. I learned not to apply Ben Gay on certain areas of my body. It burns. Oh does it burn!
21. I learn when your roommate modifies a Lysol can, taking time to " invent" a new aerosol air freshener spray brand called “Harsh Away”, and sprays it at you when you walk in the door: it is time to either start taking your personal hygiene more seriously, move to a different room, or take a serious look at your diet.

“Ah Glory days, they will pass you by. Glory days, in the wink of a young girl’s eye. Glory days.”

I know you’re excited to hear more Schiddy Nation. Stay tuned.

Canada I'm On My Way

I wrote this earlier this year, so sorry to have no obligatory verse about bridge funding or wide stances. Maybe there is a re-write in the future. I did not check earlier posts to see if this made it in to one of those Schiddy nation, so I apologize if I have put this out on this thing comprised of tubes and wires before.
"Give me a 'C'....a bouncy 'C'....

Canada I'm On My Way
(Sing to the tune of “I’m Proud to Be an American.” Inspired by Mn. House of Reps and T. Paw)

And I'm proud to be an American,
Where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget men who fought for me,
As long as they are not in poverty,

And I'll proudly STAND UP next to you,
If you keep my taxes down,
Cause there aint no doubt about it,
Headin' for Canada-I'm leavin' town.

From the Stadiums at the U of M
To tax breaks for the wealthy,
Gov. Pawlenty's no new taxes pledge,
Sounds a lot like hypocrisy,

And I'll proudly STAND UP next you,
At the Greyhound station here today,
They called my bus, I'm headin' north,
Canada I'm on my way, eh.

So now our MN. Care,
Has become oxymoronic,
I think Republican's with insurance,
Should get prescribed a high colonic,

And I'll probably THROW UP next you,
In a public toilet stall,
Cause you can't afford a doctor,
And I can't stomach our State's fall.

Canada I'm on my way, eh.

Reposting of Batman and Robin

Sorry had some technical difficulties with previous posting. This should be easier to read

I’m going to let the Schiddy nation in on a little secret. After I hug the kids and put them to bed, and Mrs. Schiddy drops off to sleep and night, I don cape, tights, and mask, and go out and fight crime into the wee hours of the morning. For I in fact belong to the Justice League of America, and am the registered Batman for the Twin Cities. It is a thankless job, fighting crime incognito. I never truly get the recognition or compensation I deserve. So when you wake up in the morning, and your kids bike that was left in the front yard is still there, your unlocked car has not been trashed, and your women have not been pillaged in the middle of the night…well you have me to thank for that.

Be that as it may, my nightly prowess at thwarting evil villains and their various nefarious schemes is not the topic of this Schiddy rant. Far be it for me to blow my own horn, or blow my secret identity as The Batman. This Schiddy will instead focus on an equally important part of Batman lore and culture. That is, the forgotten art of how to play Batman and Robin.

When I was a young lad growing up in N.E. Rochester, I spent the day at a family day care provider affectionately dubbed, “Gramma Carrol.”. From the time I was a baby until kindergarten, my sister and I spent most weekdays at her house between the hours of 8:00am and 3:00pm. At Gramma Carrol's I primarily played three games: Cowboys and Indians, Play Dough, and Batman and Robin. Oh, occasionally we would play Underdog and Sweet Polly Purebred to mix it up a little (our version of “doctor”), Once in a while the Jodi, the girl down the street would come over with her Gumby and Pokey dolls and we would play with those, (another version of “doctor”) but that was a fairly rare. For the most part those first 3 activities were our main events.
Playing Cowboys and Indians was pretty lame. You really do need several people to have a good game of cowboys and Indians, otherwise with this war-type game you have too many imaginary participants and it gets pretty abstract for a 3 or 4 year old. I could handle it, but my play mates did not seem to understand how I could shoot hundreds of pretend Indians, get three or four imaginary arrows shot into me, but just have “flesh wounds” and still end up being the hero.
Then of course there was Play Dough. Oh how I loved the smell of fresh Play dough in the morning. Unfortunately I loved it a little too much, and Gramma Carrol would have to keep and eye on me so I did not eat the whole jar. The Play Dough with the Red dye in it was the best. Yum yum. Shortly after I started eating red Play Dough I started to grow a third nipple, but that’s another story for another time.
But of course the coolest, most fun game was Batman and Robin. You only need three people to play, and in a pinch you could use two. Here are the rules of engagement, Circa Rochester Mn, 1969.
1. Hank has to be Batman. Why? Because it is my game.
2. Little Annie Haugen was usually Robin. Why? She was a year younger than me, and if she could understand me, she usually did what I told her to do. (Sidebar: when little Annie grew up, she became this totally beautiful high school student who would not give me the time of day, and usually looked at me with scorn. She actually ended up going to the U. of M. when I also was attending it, and again continued to ignore me and give me looks of distain when I would see her on campus. The reason for this may become apparent as these rules are listed.)
3. You had to have capes. You simply can not play Batman and Robin without a cape. Towels, piece of material…whatever, this prop is essential.
4. You had to try to run as fast as you could to make the cape fly up behind as you ran. Just like in the comic books. Way cool. Again, if you can not make that cape flutter up behind you…you might as well not even play. Because capes are cool.
5. Masks were cool as well, but not essential. We all knew who Batman was, after all. (see the first rule).
6. You need access to a phone or a prop you can pretend is a phone. Otherwise #7 is not possible.
7. Your adventure starts by sitting around the Bat Cave. Then the red Bat Phone rings. This phone is directly connected to Commissioner Gordon’s office.
8. When the phone rings, you must pick it up in a very serious voice and say, “Yes Commissioner Gordon.” Pause, and then say “We’ll be right there.” Then you slam the phone down and say, “To the Bat mobile!” From there you sprint back and forth through several rooms, running fast enough to make your cape fly out behind you, until you reach a piece of furniture that is now the Batmobile.
9.As you run to the Batmobile with your cape flying behind you because you are running at super speed, you must loudly Sing, “Da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, BATMAN and ROBIN!” really loud.
10. Batman always drives the Bat mobile. Sorry Annie no you can not drive. And no, you can not be Bat Girl instead of Robin!
11. Upon arriving at Police Commissioner Gordon’s office, you learn the dastardly deed that has been committed, and which Arch villain has committed it. Usually the Joker, the Penguin, Riddler, or Catwoman are responsible for the heinous act(s).
12. Following the visit to Commissioner Gordon’s office, Batman and Robin head back to the Bat Cave to press some buttons on a big electronic panel that may or may not be a computer..., which somehow gives you the location of the bad guy’s hide out. This forensic tactic is widely practiced today; I see it all the time on CSI Miami. Batman and Robin were way ahead of there time.
13. It is nice to have an actual person now enter the game as the arch villain, but not necessary. A throw pillow or big stuff animal can also function as the villain, in which case Hank will make the villain’s voice and dialogue. Also in the process of catching the arch villain, there should usually be at least two knock down drag out fist fights where Batman and Robin battle with various dastardly villain and there villainous thugs (other throw pillows or what have you). A good Super Hero punch should actually have enough force to propel the pillow (villain) across the room, where they will land unconscious. As they are pillows, sometime it is hard for even imaginative Batman and Robins to tell, so it may require several punches with Super Hero level impact to secure victory.
14. Batman always gets to put the final punch on the Arch Villain. Robin is a side-kick after all. And no Annie you can not be Catwoman.
15. You can take a break in the game for Gramma Carroll’s sugar cookies and milk.
16. And the most important rule of all…when you grow up you must pass the game and rules of engagement on to your children. Now… “To the Batmobile!!!!!!”

I’m going to let the Schiddy nation in on a little secret. After I hug the kids and put them to bed, and Mrs. Schiddy drops off to sleep and night, I don cape, tights, and mask, and go out and fight crime into the wee hours of the morning. For I in fact belong to the Justice League of America, and am the registered Batman for the Twin Cities. It is a thankless job, fighting crime incognito. I never truly get the recognition or compensation I deserve. So when you wake up in the morning, and your kids bike that was left in the front yard is still there, your unlocked car has not been trashed, and your women have not been pillaged in the middle of the night…well you have me to thank for that.

Be that as it may, my nightly prowess at thwarting evil villains and their various nefarious schemes is not the topic of this Schiddy rant. Far be it for me to blow my own horn, or blow my secret identity as The Batman. This Schiddy will instead focus on an equally important part of Batman lore and culture. That is, the forgotten art of how to play Batman and Robin.

When I was a young lad growing up in N.E. Rochester, I spent the day at a family day care provider affectionately dubbed, “Gramma Carrol.”. From the time I was a baby until kindergarten, my sister and I spent most weekdays at her house between the hours of 8:00am and 3:00pm. At Gramma Carrol's I primarily played three games: Cowboys and Indians, Play Dough, and Batman and Robin. Oh, occasionally we would play Underdog and Sweet Polly Purebred to mix it up a little (our version of “doctor”), Once in a while the Jodi, the girl down the street would come over with her Gumby and Pokey dolls and we would play with those, (another version of “doctor”) but that was a fairly rare. For the most part those first 3 activities were our main events.
Playing Cowboys and Indians was pretty lame. You really do need several people to have a good game of cowboys and Indians, otherwise with this war-type game you have too many imaginary participants and it gets pretty abstract for a 3 or 4 year old. I could handle it, but my play mates did not seem to understand how I could shoot hundreds of pretend Indians, get three or four imaginary arrows shot into me, but just have “flesh wounds” and still end up being the hero.
Then of course there was Play Dough. Oh how I loved the smell of fresh Play dough in the morning. Unfortunately I loved it a little too much, and Gramma Carrol would have to keep and eye on me so I did not eat the whole jar. The Play Dough with the Red dye in it was the best. Yum yum. Shortly after I started eating red Play Dough I started to grow a third nipple, but that’s another story for another time.
But of course the coolest, most fun game was Batman and Robin. You only need three people to play, and in a pinch you could use two. Here are the rules of engagement, Circa Rochester Mn, 1969.
Hank has to be Batman. Why? Because it is my game.
Little Annie Haugen was usually Robin. Why? She was a year younger than me, and if she could understand me, she usually did what I told her to do. (Sidebar: when little Annie grew up, she became this totally beautiful high school student who would not give me the time of day, and usually looked at me with scorn. She actually ended up going to the U. of M. when I also was attending it, and again continued to ignore me and give me looks of distain when I would see her on campus. The reason for this may become apparent as these rules are listed.)
You had to have capes. You simply can not play Batman and Robin without a cape. Towels, piece of material…whatever, this prop is essential.
You had to try to run as fast as you could to make the cape fly up behind as you ran. Just like in the comic books. Way cool. Again, if you can not make that cape flutter up behind you…you might as well not even play. Because capes are cool.
Masks were cool as well, but not essential. We all knew who Batman was, after all. (see the first rule).
You need access to a phone or a prop you can pretend is a phone. Otherwise #7 is not possible.
Your adventure starts by sitting around the Bat Cave. Then the red Bat Phone rings. This phone is directly connected to Commissioner Gordon’s office.
When the phone rings, you must pick it up in a very serious voice and say, “Yes Commissioner Gordon.” Pause, and then say “We’ll be right there.” Then you slam the phone down and say, “To the Bat mobile!” From there you sprint back and forth through several rooms, running fast enough to make your cape fly out behind you, until you reach a piece of furniture that is now the Batmobile.
As you run to the Batmobile with your cape flying behind you because you are running at super speed, you must loudly Sing, “Da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, da da, BATMAN and ROBIN!” really loud.
Batman always drives the Bat mobile. Sorry Annie no you can not drive. And no, you can not be Bat Girl instead of Robin!
Upon arriving at Police Commissioner Gordon’s office, you learn the dastardly deed that has been committed, and which Arch villain has committed it. Usually the Joker, the Penguin, Riddler, or Catwoman are responsible for the heinous act(s).
Following the visit to Commissioner Gordon’s office, Batman and Robin head back to the Bat Cave to press some buttons on a big electronic panel that may or may not be a computer..., which somehow gives you the location of the bad guy’s hide out. This forensic tactic is widely practiced today; I see it all the time on CSI Miami. Batman and Robin were way ahead of there time.
It is nice to have an actual person now enter the game as the arch villain, but not necessary. A throw pillow or big stuff animal can also function as the villain, in which case Hank will make the villain’s voice and dialogue. Also in the process of catching the arch villain, there should usually be at least two knock down drag out fist fights where Batman and Robin battle with various dastardly villain and there villainous thugs (other throw pillows or what have you). A good Super Hero punch should actually have enough force to propel the pillow (villain) across the room, where they will land unconscious. As they are pillows, sometime it is hard for even imaginative Batman and Robins to tell, so it may require several punches with Super Hero level impact to secure victory.
Batman always gets to put the final punch on the Arch Villain. Robin is a side-kick after all. And no Annie you can not be Catwoman.
You can take a break in the game for Gramma Carroll’s sugar cookies and milk.
And the most important rule of all…when you grow up you must pass the game and rules of engagement on to your children. Now… “To the Batmobile!!!!!!”