Best of H. Schiddy: Michael McDonald

Schiddy Pre-warning warning: Schiddy wrote this a couple of years ago, but one of the most prominent members of the Schiddy nation asked for me to replay it, so here you go....


Schiddy warning: The content of this email is for entertainment purposes only. Staunch defenders of Michael McDonald and his body of musical work may find this email slightly offensive. But they should also be used to it by now. I would think it comes with the territory when one is a Michael McDonald fan.

I love this country, I really do. I am privileged to live here. But there are some things that really make me scratch the Schiddy scalp in dismay and confusion, and goll darnit I'm gonna share one with the Schiddy nation. Maybe you folks can afford me the time and energy to ponder this quagmire.
Michael McDonald. The former lead singer for the Doobie brothers has one of the most annoying voices of all time. This guy's voice makes Al Stewart and Michael Bolton sound refreshing. Remember Al's hits "Time Passages" and "The Year of the Cat" from the late 1970's? Sorry to bring that repressed memory up, that rash that is breaking out will clear up in a few days. If you don't remember Al Stewart consider yourself lucky. And if you are a big Al Stewart fan and have all his albums...get a life!
Anyway so Michael McDonald and his voice pretty much ruined a fine blues based pop/rock band (Doobie Brothers) for everyone in the 1970's, and by 1981 the Doobie Brothers band realized there mistake and call it quits. Michael McDonald signs a solo record deal with Warner Records and fades into obscurity for most of the country. Those of us who understood what a rock band should sound like could put on their scratchy old pre-Michael McDonald Doobie brother records and be at peace. Some of us, however, were permanently scarred by our memories of bad Rochester Minnesota FM stations playing Michael McDonald classics like "Minute by Minute" over and over again, not letting it go. Because of super-schlocky-over-produced garbage put out by Michael McDonald and his minions, some of us embraced alternative forms of pop and rock, a more stripped down garage band sound of just an amp and a guitar, and the varieties that spun off of this instrumentation like punk, pop punk, early "new wave", and old fashion straight forward rock and roll. The major American labels for the most part never really got it, but local bands thrived. Slowly the FM fascination with the syrup coated tracks of the Michael McDonalds and the Donald Fagens of the world subsided, and we had some peace.
Then, about a year ago, a group of guys working for an unnamed Madison Ave advertising agency got together. I imagine it was in some big trendy conference room or maybe the company rec room full of Game Boys, foosball tables etc. They were throwing around ideas to pitch to their new client, some phone company I believe. I can just hear them now...
Ad Guy 1: How about we find a dried up old has-been rocker from the 70's to pitch the product. Someone who's very voice sends most people with functioning brain cells screaming for the door.
Ad Guy 2: Great idea! How about Bob Seager.
Ad Guy 3: No, he is already taken by Chevy. He sings that "Like a Rock" song. They play a loop of that song with him screeching with his distinctive sand-paper like vocal styling over and over again. Man I can't get enough of that "Like a Rock" song. I could listen to that for another twenty years without getting tired of it. I want to buy a truck that is "like a rock." I bet it runs really well. But I'm getting off the subject, my fellow clever Madison Avenue coworkers! There must be someone else...Melissa Manchester?...Al Stewert?: that Time Passages song was pretty catchy..., Sammy Hagar...hmmmm, wait! I got it! Michael McDonald!
Ad Guys 1 and 2: Who?
Ad Guy 3: You know! The guy who destroyed the Doobie Brothers and turned off a whole a generation of young adolescents in the late1970's, to the point where they embraced punk music and new wave!
Add Guy 2: Michael McDonald did all that? New Wave was awful. He must be powerful. Lets get him in here.

(Editor's note. At this point in October I stopped this Schiddy rant, because I felt like I needed to see this commercial again so I could make fun of the product Mr. McDonald was promoting, but to my pleasure someone from the company must have actually stopped and listened to the commercial, because after a couple of weeks I never saw it again. I would have let this Schiddy letter die right there, if I hadn't been flicking through the channels last night with Mrs. Schiddy and saw Mr. McDonald "sitting in" with Paul Schaffer and the band. Sorry Dave, you have been getting lamer and lamer over the years, but you lost me there. Anyway that high profile appearance made me realize this Michael McDonald phenomenon is not going to go away, and as a Schiddy nation we need to be up in arms about it.)

So the three Ad Guys called Mr. McDonald's agent. I would guess Mr. McDonald, one of the most hated 70's pop artists of this generation, was holed up in a Sadam-like "Spider Hole" somewhere North of San Fernando Valley. But eventually his agent tracked him down, and three months of rehab later they wheeled him out of Hazelton and back in to the main stream of American music pop culture.
Actually, the Ad guy's logic is pretty sound. The Clash, Police, NWA, Rage Against the Machine, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, all of these influential bands have come and gone. Sometimes more than once. But you can still go see REO Speedwagon, Journey, and Styx (Yes because we still all want to thank you Mr. Roboto) at your local casino about once a year. So why not bring back the nasally, creaking, abrasive sounds that emits from Mr. McDonalds mouth?. Why not make him into this year’s poster child for aging pop stars who you could go the rest of your life without hearing? Hey I know, lets give him another record deal and get him in the studio to do a new album also! I'm guessing the Doobies, whenever they do the reunion shtick, probably have restraining orders to keep this guy away from them, but maybe he could go on tour with other banished aging rock stars, like David Lee Roth (that would be a duet I'd pay money to hear...not) and Michael Jackson. Is Kenny Rogers still alive? Put him on the ticket to appeal to the more patriotic country lovin' folks at the Casino. Apparently we can't let these guys go gentle into that good night.

I'm sorry, the mental image I'm getting is starting to affect my ability to focus. I'm starting to shaaakke a litttle. Must ..get to... CD... player. Must get my Rancid CD on......Ah There now, that's better.
I'll be o.k. now.

Have a boot stompin' punk rockin' Happy Holidays,

H. Schiddy, Mrs. Schiddy, and the Schidlets.



"Minute by minute by minute by minute I keep holding on." -Michael McDonald

P.S. Michael McDonald was nominated for two Grammys this year for his critically acclaimed album "Motown."
I can not explain this. It is officially an X-File.

H. Schiddy